I’ll start a little before just for some
background information. It all began Friday January 2nd when we had
our 39 week appointment. The doctor checked me and Joshua was still faced the
right way (he had been since November), but I was not ephased or dilated. So we
left the office and scheduled our 40 week appointment for a week later.
Saturday
night as I was falling asleep I remember thinking that it would likely be my
last Sunday at church for a while. I fell asleep thinking of seeing everyone
one last time as a huge pregnant lady. Fast ward a few hours to about 3:30am. I
woke up to use the bathroom for likely the 2nd or 3rd
time that night. This is nothing uncommon for a pregnant woman in her 3rd
trimester.
I
went to the bathroom and then headed back to bed, but it still felt like I was
leaking. In my half dazed state I figured maybe I hadn’t emptied my bladder
completely and went back to the bathroom. Repeat one or two more times before I
realized this was not normal. I headed back into our room and woke up Garett,
telling him that I thought my water had broken. Half asleep we headed back to
the bathroom because I was leaking enough that I was going to soak my clothes
if I didn’t sit on the toilet. Being pretty sleepy, we tried to remember what
the doctor said to do. We called the doctor’s office and were connected to the
doctor that was on call. He asked about my water breaking and contractions,
which were still very far apart he confirmed that my water had likely broken and
told us to hang out at home until the contractions got closer together.
We
then called my mom to let her know what was going on, since she would likely be
the first to come and see Joshua after he was born. We didn’t have any heavy
pads in the house though and tried to figure out what we were going to do. I
couldn’t just sit on the toilet for the next several hours, so we grabbed one
of Joshua’s newborn diapers and a towel and headed out to the living room to
wait. Two hours later my water was starting to gush more and more so we decided
to head to the hospital, being unsure of how much fluid I was losing. We went
in around 6am and I was at a 1 ½. They told us to go home but to come back no
later than 3:30 or 4pm (12 hours after my water had broken). We went home and
tried to get some rest as my contractions got stronger.
While
we waited my contractions changed from front labor to back labor. Sadly I didn’t
know the difference at the time, and the pain started to get more
uncomfortable. 5 hours later around 11am we decided to head back, because again
I was losing a lot of fluid and my contractions were getting closer together.
They checked me and I think I was at a 3. This time we decided to stay though.
We were unsure how fast or slow I was going to progress and figured it was
safer to stay. The nurses kept trying to put me on Pitocin to speed up my
labor, but I was determined to go all natural. I did have a Hep lock though
(for those that don’t know, it is the part of the IV that has the needle that
goes into your hand, but is not hooked into the IV, this allows you to move
around the room freely instead of being stuck in bed, but if something happens
they can hook you up to an IV quickly).
By
2pm I was at a 6. They called my midwife in and she was pleased to see the
progress I was making. At this point my lower back was hurting, but I could
still mostly breathe through it. During those hours we had tried every position
that our birthing class had mentioned: rocking on all fours, the birthing ball,
etc. Nothing seemed to be helping so my midwife mentioned using the hot tub. We
used the hot tub for about 4 hours, it helped for a while, but then the jets
started making the pain worse, rather than better. Convinced by the strength
and timing on my contractions, that I was at a 7 or 8 (the transition stage) my
midwife had me get out and head back to the room to check.
Annnnnd
I was still at a 6. At this point the contractions were starting to become unbearable.
Not so much that the pain had increased, but that I had been at a 6 with back
labor for 4 hours, and my body was becoming exhausted. My midwife knew how much
I wanted an all-natural birth and so she suggested some temporal pain relievers.
First
we tried water pocket shots. It is exactly what it sounds like. They shoot
water in your lower back to try to help with the pain. The only problem is that
it only works 70% of the time. They said it would sting a lot. Stinging a lot
was an UNDERSTATEMENT. I’m pretty sure I screamed blood murder and I hadn’t cried
or screamed at all during labor. Those shots hurt far worse than my labor
pains! They almost made back labor seem like fun and they ended up NOT working….
Next we tried hooking me up to an IV and putting some gentle medication through.
It helped for about an hour and then went away. At this point I had been in
labor for 16 hours with back labor and I was exhausted. I’m pretty sure I had started
asking for an epidural sometime when I was in the hot tub. Sadly I forgot the
code word Garett and I had set up so that when I actually did want an epidural
I could get one. My midwife though was so sweet and determined to give me my
wish of an all-natural birth. I am truly grateful for how hard she pushed me.
It hit 8pm though
and I was done. My back was so sore and my body was exhausted, not to mention I
hadn’t eaten anything except a little Jell-O since Saturday night. Finally I
firmly told my midwife and the doctors that I wanted an epidural. After signing
some stuff and having my blood taken, a doctor came in to give me that blessed
epidural. Two pokes in the back between contractions and a lot of tape later I
felt better. It took maybe a few minutes at the most and did NOT hurt at all!
Not because I was in labor, but because it really does not hurt. Just fyi I am
the biggest baby when it comes to needles. You know how doctors always say a
shot will feel like a pinch and it NEVER does? Well this actually does feel
like a very gentle pinch or poke. Very quickly my pain was relived and I was extremely
happy. Let me tell you, epidurals are heaven sent!
After that I fell
asleep for an hour and when I woke up I was at an 8! Sadly that was the end of
the good news. My doctors over the next several hours tried to get my
contractions to be stronger and closer together, but every time they tried to
up the Pitocin, Joshua’s heartrate would freak out and they would have to lower
the dosage again. This went on until almost 1am when they finally got me to a
10. Then the pushing began!
My epidural ended
up being a little wonky. My lower half was numb, but I could still tell when
the contractions were coming. This actually ended up being a blessing as I
could tell when they were coming before the monitor could tell my midwife. Plus
the contraction monitor kept slipping, so eventually they removed it and relied
on me to tell them when it was time. I pushed and pushed and pushed. Joshua was
coming down, but not quite far enough. At one point I threw up while I was
laying on my back and it was pretty unpleasant. I remember being able to feel
his head. Like I said, nothing hurt, but I could still sort of feel things.
Joshua was just not making enough progress. At one point he came down far
enough that they thought they could get the doctor to use a vacuum to help pull
him out, but when the nurse went to check where he was, Joshua went back up.
After 2 ½ hours of
pushing, my midwife brought in the doctor and they told me they thought it was
best that I had a c-section. They explained that if I pushed any longer Joshua
was likely to become distressed and they he might not make it. He was turned
funny, they couldn’t completely tell, but they knew he was not facing in a way
that he would come easily. After explaining the risks and benefits, I agreed
that I should have a c-section. I would say that I was sad or disappointed, but
at this point I just wanted Joshua to be safe and healthy. My poor midwife
looked sad because she knew how much I had wanted a natural birth and to be
honest I was pretty dang close to having one. Her and my doctor agreed that I
should try for an all-natural V-BAC next time though. When I was progressing, I
progressed quickly and I handled the pain for a long time. They felt
comfortable thinking I could probably have the next one natural without a
problem. With Joshua there just ended up being too many complications.
Once we all agreed
on a c-section everything happened very quickly. I signed some papers, they took
my blood again and suddenly I was off. They started moving my bed and IV out of
the room and down the hall. I’m not sure that they were running, but it seemed
really fast. They moved me into the OR (which is REALLY cold by the way), slid
a board under me, lifted me up and moved me to the table. Tons of doctors and
nurses were moving around me. They strapped down my legs and covered them with
blankets. They put a curtain up over my chest so I couldn’t see my stomach.
They then made me lay my arms out straight to the sides and put a heated tube
across my arms. It blew hot air on me and I remember thinking “where was this
during my labor?” They covered it with a blanket and it felt so good. During
this time they upped my epidural and I kept wondering where on earth did all
these people keep coming from? I swear it felt like tons of people all of the
sudden showed up and I have no clue what they were all doing, but they must
have been helping right? My doctor told me I was going to feel tugging, but it
would not hurt. My midwife doesn’t do c-sections but she was right there
helping my doctor the whole time. Garett came and sat next to me with a hair
net and other protective wear.
The next thing I
knew my stomach felt like someone was pulling on it left and then right, over
and over. It was the weirdest feeling I have probably ever experienced! I threw
up during it because I think they bumped my stomach while trying to get him out
and my body didn’t like that. Luckily I was able to warn the doctors and they
found something for me to throw up in. I remember my legs would not stop
shaking, they said it was from the adrenaline. Your body isn’t really meant to
be cut open. A few more tugs later and Joshua was here! (All of this took place
in about 15 minutes from the time I signed the paperwork)
3:45am and he had
finally arrived! They held him up over the curtain for me to see. He was still
covered in blood and other stuff, but he was the cutest thing I had ever seen.
We actually had not really decided on a name, but when I saw him over that
curtain I knew he was going to be Joshua William Bonds. He just looked like a
Joshua. They then took him away to get cleaned up. Garett went with them so he could
enjoy our little boy once he was cleaned up. They told me my placenta looked
great and asked if I wanted to see it, but I decided to pass. I remember
thinking right after they took Joshua out of me, that I was starving and wanted
a cheese burger.
After that they
had to sew me up, which felt like the longest, slowest process ever, though it
was probably only 30 minutes. They brought Joshua back in with Garett and they
set him on my arm, but I couldn’t actually hold him. I could just turn my head
and kind of pat him with my left hand. After they had sewn me up and put a nice
big bandage over it, they removed the curtain and hot tube, slid the board
under me and moved me back to my bed. Garett and Joshua had to go elsewhere for
a bit. Once again I was whisked down the hall to temporary waiting room. I had
to answer some questions, while a nurse filled out some stuff on the computer.
I just remember thinking I wanted to see my baby. Not too long after, they
brought Garett and Joshua into the room. Finally I got to hold my baby!
He was tiny and
perfect at 6 ½ lbs and 19.5 inches. I had never seen such a perfect and sweet
little person in my entire life. We spent most of the morning and afternoon in
that room, because they were waiting for a larger room to become available.
Poor Garett tried to sleep in the chair, but eventually I did my best to scoot
over so he could sit on the hospital bed with me. I’m pretty sure when we weren’t
ogling our newborn son, we were passed out asleep. After all we hadn’t gotten
any rest for about 36 hours.
They brought me
some Jell-O and crackers and asked me if I thought I could handle real food for
dinner. I insisted that I could, because let us face it, crackers and Jell-O
are not filling and I was starving.
Later that day we
were moved into our permanent room. The nurses said that since I had a
c-section I had to stay until Wednesday, but then after that I could stay an
extra day if needed. They also encouraged me to try walking around before the
end of the day. Someone came in and took my order for my meals for the evening,
Tuesday and Wednesday. Outside of the stork meal, all the other meals were
technically only for me. However, I just ordered just about everything, that
way Garett and I could share. I won’t lie, the food was actually pretty good,
especially the stork dinner.
Some of our good
friends came and saw us in the hospital later that day and also on Tuesday. I
probably looked terrible. I never had any problems with swelling during
pregnancy (I can thank hiking across campus in the snow for that) but after
giving birth everything was swollen. I wasn’t allowed to shower until Tuesday
morning and I felt rather gross. After the 4 strangest days of my life and
forgetting what day and time it was for those 4 days we decided it was time to
go home. My mom drove up that Wednesday morning and helped us get everything
together. We were discharged from the hospital after putting our tiny baby in his
car seat that looked like it could have swallowed him whole and headed home.
That entire first week
is kind of a blur. I know I laughed and cried a lot. Mostly happy, but also a
good bit of sadness because Joshua did not take to nursing easily and it was a
stressful process to get him to eat. Between that and trying to heal, it was an
emotional roller coaster. I felt kind of helpless and had to hobble like an old
lady wherever I went. Thank goodness I had my mom and Garett to help me through
it. Eventually things got easier and my mom went back home.
Life is much nicer
now. Garett works full time while working on applications for grad school and I
get to stay home with Joshua and play with him all day. He’ll be 3 months old
on Sunday. It’s been the fastest yet slowest 3 months of my life. The nights
can be hard, but Joshua is learning to sleep for longer periods now. My days
are pretty fun, filled with laughing, smiling and cooing. Already I’m starting
to forget life before Joshua.
The best quote I’ve
heard to describe parenthood came from my mother-in-law. When we were pregnant
with Joshua she said to us “Right now your life is in black and white and when
you have a baby it is like seeing color for the first time”. That is really the
only way to explain it. My capacity to love has grown more than I ever thought
possible. Garett and I are no longer a little family of 2, but of 3 now. Another
great quote from my mother-in-law is that I have becoming one of the fiercest
creatures on earth, a mother.
I can testify that
it is all true. I honestly feel like I was living my life in black and white
before Joshua came along. I never knew I could love such a tiny person so fiercely.
I also never really knew how much my mother loves me, until I became a mother
myself. It is a rather humbling experience. I love my life more than ever now
and I would never go back. I love my amazing husband, Garett, and we love our
little Joshua. I am grateful to have the most incredible boys in my life and I
am pretty certain I am the luckiest lady alive.
So that is my
story. I apologize it is a bit long but kudos to you if you actually read it
all. Sorry it took so long to tell, but I hope maybe it helps others or at the
very least people will learn a little bit about me. I love y’all!
-Megan
