Motherhood is Crazy

                I’ve recently had this discussion with some friends. Motherhood by all accounts is irrational. Now before you have a meltdown, hear me out. Motherhood is wonderful, but crazy.

                Let’s start with pregnancy. Now maybe you are one of those people that loves being pregnant and doesn’t have very many symptoms and feels their very best. Good for you. I am not one of those people. I actually hate being pregnant. I feel miserable and uncomfortable for most of it and I don’t like any of it. That being said, I still want more kids. Why? Because motherhood is crazy.

                If you are anything like me, first you have morning sickness. One wrong move and you are going to die. You live off of peanut butter and crackers for 2-3 months or what doesn’t sound gosh awful and turn your insides out. Food aversions are real and terrible. I had to replace all my air fresheners with Joshua because one day they started making me gag. Food commercials made me sick, too much movement made me sick. Basically everything made me sick.

                I got past morning the sickness and then no one could tell I was pregnant and I was going crazy. Anyone who knows me knows before having a kid I could not gain weight. So for me I thought I was huge and everyone else was like “You look normal”. I was a bit insulted, looking back it was probably hard to tell, but for me I was the biggest I had ever been and was frustrated that no one else saw it.

                Then you hit 3^rd trimester and you feel like a balloon. How I describe it to people is that it feels like you overate, but all the time and that feeling never goes away for 3 months. That sick overfull, you’re going to burst at any second feeling. People kept telling me I was never going to sleep again after the baby was born, but I was waking up to turn over and to pee every 2 hours. At least when Joshua was born he slept for 3 hours at a time.

Finally you get to go into labor. Woohoo! Maybe you have a high pain tolerance and birth was a breeze, but I think the general consensus is that labor is hard, hence the term LABOR. I had back labor for 16 hours before I had an epidural (those are the most glorious things ever!) got to pushing, pushed and then ended up with a c-section. That recovery is a pain fyi. When my epidural finally started to wear off and medication was switched to pills, I felt it. I felt all the aching and pain of everything I had gone through in the last 24 hours and it was rather unpleasant.

They send you home with this tiny little person, entrusting you’ll keep it alive and take care of it more or less for the rest of its life. You’ll be tired for at least the next 20 years, with worrying and stress. Not to mention potty training, having to teach them basic things like talking, walking and manners. You’ll have semi-frequent meltdowns on days where they just seem to be crazy for no reason and you feel helpless. Motherhood is irrational.

You give up your figure, your energy, your money, and sometimes your dreams, all for these little people that won’t even be grateful until they have their own kids in 25+ years. You will give up everything for these kids, and yet you would do it all again in a heartbeat, because when you look at those children, your heart melts. You love them so completely so powerfully that you would do anything for them. They are your entire world and your love for them is beyond compare. Motherhood is hard, it is really hard (and I am only 2 years into it) but there is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for my little boy. I would not trade all the stress and worry, the messes, the fighting, the cuddles, the laughter or the joy for anything. What else in our lives is so completely crazy and hard and exhausting, and yet you would never ever give up? Maybe you have a job like that, but at least you can have a life outside of it. Motherhood (and fatherhood) is all encompassing. There is no downtime, there are no vacation days. It is full time insanity, that is the most beautiful and rewarding thing.

                There are moments when I think about how much easier my life would be without my son. I’m young and married, so Garett and I could probably travel more and do fun things, but none of it can compare with what I have. I forget how young I am because I had my son at 22, but I would never give him up. He is my greatest stress and my greatest love.

                It breaks my heart at times to look at my generation which seems to despise and discourage motherhood. I’m not saying having a career is bad, and I understand motherhood may not be for everyone, but if only they knew the love and beauty of motherhood. I had absolutely no clue how much I could love until I had my son. Do not get me wrong, I love my husband and he is my best friend, but my love for Joshua is different. You cannot compare the two. Motherly love is so unique and personal. It is something all its own, it is not rational, but it is perfect. I cannot put into words my love for Joshua, but it is something every mother can understand. That look when they smile at you or give you a hug, those little tender moments that make all the pain, heartache and exhaustion completely worth it.

                Thank you to all the mothers (and fathers) out there who work so hard for their children. We can never repay our parents for all that they do for us, but I like to think we can pass it on to our future children. I never knew how much my parents loved me until I held my own son in my arms for the first time. I am grateful for their irrational love and patience with me. They did their best in hopes that one day I would turn out to be a decent kind person (I hope I can make y’all proud). I hope one day in turn I can do the same for my children.

Let us all remember on those days where we are crying and wanting to give up, that it really is worth it. My parents get to be grandparents, and I’m not going to lie, it looks good on them. Not that I am rushing time, but seeing the joy that they have from a wonderful family full of kids, spouses and grandkids, that seems to be the dream. The dream that we all can look forward to saying that we lived full lives and now we get to watch it continue with future generations.

I love where I am in my life and I look forward to all the insanity and joy my family will bring to me throughout the years. This is for all you parents and soon to be parents, remember that this is all worth it in the end. I promise that you are doing better than you think you are. So hold your children a little bit tighter and a little longer. Let the dishes wait, forgive yourself and enjoy the little moments. They are fleeting, but they are powerful.

I love you all!

-Megan