Motherhood is Crazy

                I’ve recently had this discussion with some friends. Motherhood by all accounts is irrational. Now before you have a meltdown, hear me out. Motherhood is wonderful, but crazy.

                Let’s start with pregnancy. Now maybe you are one of those people that loves being pregnant and doesn’t have very many symptoms and feels their very best. Good for you. I am not one of those people. I actually hate being pregnant. I feel miserable and uncomfortable for most of it and I don’t like any of it. That being said, I still want more kids. Why? Because motherhood is crazy.

                If you are anything like me, first you have morning sickness. One wrong move and you are going to die. You live off of peanut butter and crackers for 2-3 months or what doesn’t sound gosh awful and turn your insides out. Food aversions are real and terrible. I had to replace all my air fresheners with Joshua because one day they started making me gag. Food commercials made me sick, too much movement made me sick. Basically everything made me sick.

                I got past morning the sickness and then no one could tell I was pregnant and I was going crazy. Anyone who knows me knows before having a kid I could not gain weight. So for me I thought I was huge and everyone else was like “You look normal”. I was a bit insulted, looking back it was probably hard to tell, but for me I was the biggest I had ever been and was frustrated that no one else saw it.

                Then you hit 3^rd trimester and you feel like a balloon. How I describe it to people is that it feels like you overate, but all the time and that feeling never goes away for 3 months. That sick overfull, you’re going to burst at any second feeling. People kept telling me I was never going to sleep again after the baby was born, but I was waking up to turn over and to pee every 2 hours. At least when Joshua was born he slept for 3 hours at a time.

Finally you get to go into labor. Woohoo! Maybe you have a high pain tolerance and birth was a breeze, but I think the general consensus is that labor is hard, hence the term LABOR. I had back labor for 16 hours before I had an epidural (those are the most glorious things ever!) got to pushing, pushed and then ended up with a c-section. That recovery is a pain fyi. When my epidural finally started to wear off and medication was switched to pills, I felt it. I felt all the aching and pain of everything I had gone through in the last 24 hours and it was rather unpleasant.

They send you home with this tiny little person, entrusting you’ll keep it alive and take care of it more or less for the rest of its life. You’ll be tired for at least the next 20 years, with worrying and stress. Not to mention potty training, having to teach them basic things like talking, walking and manners. You’ll have semi-frequent meltdowns on days where they just seem to be crazy for no reason and you feel helpless. Motherhood is irrational.

You give up your figure, your energy, your money, and sometimes your dreams, all for these little people that won’t even be grateful until they have their own kids in 25+ years. You will give up everything for these kids, and yet you would do it all again in a heartbeat, because when you look at those children, your heart melts. You love them so completely so powerfully that you would do anything for them. They are your entire world and your love for them is beyond compare. Motherhood is hard, it is really hard (and I am only 2 years into it) but there is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for my little boy. I would not trade all the stress and worry, the messes, the fighting, the cuddles, the laughter or the joy for anything. What else in our lives is so completely crazy and hard and exhausting, and yet you would never ever give up? Maybe you have a job like that, but at least you can have a life outside of it. Motherhood (and fatherhood) is all encompassing. There is no downtime, there are no vacation days. It is full time insanity, that is the most beautiful and rewarding thing.

                There are moments when I think about how much easier my life would be without my son. I’m young and married, so Garett and I could probably travel more and do fun things, but none of it can compare with what I have. I forget how young I am because I had my son at 22, but I would never give him up. He is my greatest stress and my greatest love.

                It breaks my heart at times to look at my generation which seems to despise and discourage motherhood. I’m not saying having a career is bad, and I understand motherhood may not be for everyone, but if only they knew the love and beauty of motherhood. I had absolutely no clue how much I could love until I had my son. Do not get me wrong, I love my husband and he is my best friend, but my love for Joshua is different. You cannot compare the two. Motherly love is so unique and personal. It is something all its own, it is not rational, but it is perfect. I cannot put into words my love for Joshua, but it is something every mother can understand. That look when they smile at you or give you a hug, those little tender moments that make all the pain, heartache and exhaustion completely worth it.

                Thank you to all the mothers (and fathers) out there who work so hard for their children. We can never repay our parents for all that they do for us, but I like to think we can pass it on to our future children. I never knew how much my parents loved me until I held my own son in my arms for the first time. I am grateful for their irrational love and patience with me. They did their best in hopes that one day I would turn out to be a decent kind person (I hope I can make y’all proud). I hope one day in turn I can do the same for my children.

Let us all remember on those days where we are crying and wanting to give up, that it really is worth it. My parents get to be grandparents, and I’m not going to lie, it looks good on them. Not that I am rushing time, but seeing the joy that they have from a wonderful family full of kids, spouses and grandkids, that seems to be the dream. The dream that we all can look forward to saying that we lived full lives and now we get to watch it continue with future generations.

I love where I am in my life and I look forward to all the insanity and joy my family will bring to me throughout the years. This is for all you parents and soon to be parents, remember that this is all worth it in the end. I promise that you are doing better than you think you are. So hold your children a little bit tighter and a little longer. Let the dishes wait, forgive yourself and enjoy the little moments. They are fleeting, but they are powerful.

I love you all!

-Megan

All Sounds and Excitement Here

Having an infant means that change and growth is a daily occurrence and you never know when your little one is going to do something new for the first time like smile, coo, laugh, or grab his feet and try to eat them.

One thing is for sure, there is rarely a dull moment in our house. 

Joshua is a pretty happy boy. He'll smile at pretty much anyone that smiles at him first. 

He loves to fall asleep in Garett's lap, especially at church.

Joshua is truly the most amazing little person and our lives are all the more richer with him in it.

I will admit, I am his favorite (because I am with him all the time and I feed him) and I soak it up. I know it won't last so I try to enjoy it as much as I can. He is my own personal cheer leader and it is the best. Motherhood is like having super powers. Once or twice Joshua got really upset to the point that even Garett couldn't sooth him, but once he handed Joshua to me he was fine. It was kind of magical! Though I felt a bit bad that Garett couldn't help, it was also kind of awesome.

He has a way of making every day brighter and better.

It is not to say that it isn't hard, but the hard days are few and far between. More often than not my days are filled with sweet babbling and giggles. 

A week and a half ago Joshua rather suddenly started laughing and babbling all the time.

He had had small little semi-laughs before, but now it is full on giggling and sweetness.

He also has a goal to shove as many fingers in his mouth as possible.

Since it is finally warming up here Garett and I have started taking walks with Joshua. He normally ends up falling asleep because it is often too bright or windy for him to enjoy fully. But he tries to look around as much as possible before dosing off.

Life is truly amazing with our little guy, I don't say this to brag, but to say how grateful I am for our little boy. I hope anyone who reads this that is pregnant or looking forward to starting their family in the future may get some hope that life won't be as hard as they anticipate. 

I remember people telling me that I was never going to sleep again, get in daily showers or have any alone time ever again. I felt like towards the end of pregnancy people tended to point out only the scary points and it kind of bothered me.

So I am here to say though it is not that bad, honestly there are way more great days than bad. Yes, more often than not I am somewhat sleep deprived, but holding my sweet boy as he smiles at me makes it all worth it, even if some of those moments happen at 5 o'clock in the morning. I imagine any parents that read this understand.

The love and joy I have in my heart for my little family is incomparable. Words cannot fully describe my love for our sweet little Joshua. All that I can really say is that I would never go back, never!

I feel like I had never truly lived until Joshua joined our small family. Motherly love (and probably fatherly love too, I can't vouch for it) is incredible, incomparable and indescribable. 

I apologize for getting mushy, but how can I not? I guess maybe I am sharing this because motherhood tends to get a negative rep in the world today and I don't want people to fear it or look down on it. I want everyone to be thrilled about it! I know that sounds silly, but I mean it. It's probably because I love being a mom so much that I want to share that joy with the world. When you have a good thing, you want to share it. 

I know there are probably plenty of hard days ahead, but I also know there are going to be tons of wonderful days ahead. So for moms that might be having a rough day, I hope you can remember some sweet times with your kids. For those that are pregnant, I hope you are excited and thrilled to be a mom, because it is AWESOME! And for those who might not be there yet or for awhile, maybe you can tuck the excitement away for when your time may come, maybe now you won't be as scared of motherhood.

To end I have 2 small videos, one of Joshua laughing (though I apologize, it is not his best laugh. Those are harder to catch on video) and the other is of Joshua babbling to himself/his toys. The reason you can't see his face always, is because if he notices my phone he will get quiet so I kind of have to hide.

I love you all and hope you are having a splendid week!

-Meg

Dear Joshua

Dear Joshua,
      You are almost 8 weeks old and already I can barely remember my life before you, or rather my life did not have the value that it does now. I will not lie, motherhood is hard at times and an adjustment, but it is also wonderful, beautiful and incredible. As I look at your sweet face, your beautiful eyes and your tiny hands, I am amazed that my body created yours. You are completely unique, half me and half Garett. As I listen to your tiny heart beat, mine melts and swoons.

       I hope you know how grateful I am to be your mom. I have always wanted to be a mother, but as the time drew closer I feared that maybe I wouldn't like it or would get bored with it. My fears are gone though, for being a mother brings me a joy that I had not known could be possible.

       I love being your mom more than anything in the world. I love watching you grow and improve your motor skills daily. My favorite thing in the entire world though, is when you smile at me. I cannot fully explain the feeling I get as that smile creeps across your tiny face and your eyes sparkle with happiness. When you smile at me, that is all I need. On days when I feel sick or tired, I just see that smile and suddenly everything is better.

      I always knew you would be a blessing in my life, but I was not prepared for how much you would increase my joy and happiness. You are the greatest blessing to come to Garett and I. I thank the Lord everyday that I am allowed to be your mom. You truly are a miracle.
      When I was pregnant with you I prayed every single day that I wouldn't lose you. When it got close to your arrival, I prayed for your safe delivery into this world and that we would both live to see you grow up.

       Now as you sleep across the room in your swing, I pray that you will continue to grow stronger and live a full life. I have only been your mother for 8 weeks in this world, but I would never go back. You have already taught me a great deal. I even amaze myself with recognizing your different cries, when your hungry, when you have gas, or when you just want to be held.

      You're around 10 lbs now and it still baffles me that my body has been able to nourish yours. It amazes me daily that I gave birth to you and that you are eternally mine. I guess I wrote this, because I don't want to forget these feelings of being a new mom, your mom. You are going to change constantly this year. I am excited to be there for all of it, but I don't want to rush these early weeks, because though your changes may seem small and menial to others this early on, to me they are the coolest and greatest things to watch.
      Thank you Joshua for being our son and blessing this family with your presence. I love you with all my heart and I look forward to having many adventures this year and all the years to come.

-Love,
Your mom