I’ve
recently had this discussion with some friends. Motherhood by all accounts is irrational.
Now before you have a meltdown, hear me out. Motherhood is wonderful, but
crazy.
Let’s
start with pregnancy. Now maybe you are one of those people that loves being
pregnant and doesn’t have very many symptoms and feels their very best. Good
for you. I am not one of those people. I actually hate being pregnant. I feel
miserable and uncomfortable for most of it and I don’t like any of it. That
being said, I still want more kids. Why? Because motherhood is crazy.
If
you are anything like me, first you have morning sickness. One wrong move and
you are going to die. You live off of peanut butter and crackers for 2-3 months
or what doesn’t sound gosh awful and turn your insides out. Food aversions are
real and terrible. I had to replace all my air fresheners with Joshua because
one day they started making me gag. Food commercials made me sick, too much
movement made me sick. Basically everything made me sick.
I
got past morning the sickness and then no one could tell I was pregnant and I
was going crazy. Anyone who knows me knows before having a kid I could not gain
weight. So for me I thought I was huge and everyone else was like “You look
normal”. I was a bit insulted, looking back it was probably hard to tell, but
for me I was the biggest I had ever been and was frustrated that no one else
saw it.
Then
you hit 3rd trimester and you feel like a balloon. How I describe it
to people is that it feels like you overate, but all the time and that feeling
never goes away for 3 months. That sick overfull, you’re going to burst at any
second feeling. People kept telling me I was never going to sleep again after
the baby was born, but I was waking up to turn over and to pee every 2 hours.
At least when Joshua was born he slept for 3 hours at a time.
Finally you get
to go into labor. Woohoo! Maybe you have a high pain tolerance and birth was a
breeze, but I think the general consensus is that labor is hard, hence the term
LABOR. I had back labor for 16 hours before I had an epidural (those are the
most glorious things ever!) got to pushing, pushed and then ended up with a
c-section. That recovery is a pain fyi. When my epidural finally started to
wear off and medication was switched to pills, I felt it. I felt all the aching
and pain of everything I had gone through in the last 24 hours and it was
rather unpleasant.
They send you
home with this tiny little person, entrusting you’ll keep it alive and take
care of it more or less for the rest of its life. You’ll be tired for at least
the next 20 years, with worrying and stress. Not to mention potty training,
having to teach them basic things like talking, walking and manners. You’ll
have semi-frequent meltdowns on days where they just seem to be crazy for no
reason and you feel helpless. Motherhood is irrational.
You give up your
figure, your energy, your money, and sometimes your dreams, all for these
little people that won’t even be grateful until they have their own kids in 25+
years. You will give up everything for these kids, and yet you would do it all
again in a heartbeat, because when you look at those children, your heart
melts. You love them so completely so powerfully that you would do anything for
them. They are your entire world and your love for them is beyond compare. Motherhood
is hard, it is really hard (and I am only 2 years into it) but there is not a
day that goes by that I am not grateful for my little boy. I would not trade
all the stress and worry, the messes, the fighting, the cuddles, the laughter or
the joy for anything. What else in our lives is so completely crazy and hard
and exhausting, and yet you would never ever give up? Maybe you have a job like
that, but at least you can have a life outside of it. Motherhood (and
fatherhood) is all encompassing. There is no downtime, there are no vacation
days. It is full time insanity, that is the most beautiful and rewarding thing.
There
are moments when I think about how much easier my life would be without my son.
I’m young and married, so Garett and I could probably travel more and do fun
things, but none of it can compare with what I have. I forget how young I am
because I had my son at 22, but I would never give him up. He is my greatest
stress and my greatest love.
It
breaks my heart at times to look at my generation which seems to despise and
discourage motherhood. I’m not saying having a career is bad, and I understand
motherhood may not be for everyone, but if only they knew the love and beauty
of motherhood. I had absolutely no clue how much I could love until I had my
son. Do not get me wrong, I love my husband and he is my best friend, but my
love for Joshua is different. You cannot compare the two. Motherly love is so
unique and personal. It is something all its own, it is not rational, but it is
perfect. I cannot put into words my love for Joshua, but it is something every
mother can understand. That look when they smile at you or give you a hug,
those little tender moments that make all the pain, heartache and exhaustion completely
worth it.
Thank
you to all the mothers (and fathers) out there who work so hard for their
children. We can never repay our parents for all that they do for us, but I
like to think we can pass it on to our future children. I never knew how much
my parents loved me until I held my own son in my arms for the first time. I am
grateful for their irrational love and patience with me. They did their best in
hopes that one day I would turn out to be a decent kind person (I hope I can
make y’all proud). I hope one day in turn I can do the same for my children.
Let us all
remember on those days where we are crying and wanting to give up, that it
really is worth it. My parents get to be grandparents, and I’m not going to
lie, it looks good on them. Not that I am rushing time, but seeing the joy that
they have from a wonderful family full of kids, spouses and grandkids, that
seems to be the dream. The dream that we all can look forward to saying that we
lived full lives and now we get to watch it continue with future generations.
I love where I
am in my life and I look forward to all the insanity and joy my family will
bring to me throughout the years. This is for all you parents and soon to be
parents, remember that this is all worth it in the end. I promise that you are
doing better than you think you are. So hold your children a little bit tighter
and a little longer. Let the dishes wait, forgive yourself and enjoy the little
moments. They are fleeting, but they are powerful.
I love you all!
-Megan
