My Birth Story: Adalaide

            Disclaimer: This is a story I have been debating on sharing, because it was particularly hard for me emotionally. I originally wrote this a few weeks after Addie was born, so the emotions are quite raw. Please be mindful and respectful if you decide to leave a comment. 

        

In the weeks leading up to her coming I was frequently having practice contractions for two hours at a time. I started having some contractions Sunday night and off and on slept through them. Around 7:30am September 4th (Monday) they started getting stronger and I no longer could sleep through them. I decided to get up and shower and get myself together. We had been joking that we wanted her to come Labor day weekend since it was a 3 day weekend for Garett. At my last appointment my doctor had said that she didn't think I was going to make it to my due date, let alone my next appointment.

           I was roughly timing the contractions and they were about 4-5 minutes apart, but I wanted to eat and walk around before I decided if it was labor or not. Sometimes after a hot shower or eating, practice contractions subside. I chatted with my sister about whether or not they were real while starting some laundry. They weren't overly intense, but enough that I had to stop and breathe a little each time. After about 3 hours I decided they probably weren’t going away and I should call the doctor. My parents were on vacation as their last hurrah before Addie was born since we knew we wanted my mom to come and help after she was born. The doctor told me to go to the hospital and get checked. So we loaded up stuff for me and baby girl just in case and all headed over to the hospital.

           We took Joshua in case it was false labor and had to go home. They got us registered and I spelled Adalaide’s name wrong because I had to talk between contractions. They took me upstairs to get checked. I was at a 4 and 80% effaced. When I had went in the week before, I was at a 3 and 50% effaced. They wanted to keep me for at least 30 mins and have the doctor check me to see if I progressed. I quickly moved to a 5 and then a 6 and was 90% effaced. They decided to keep me and we had a family from church come to get Joshua. I got an epidural, which seemed more uncomfortable and slower than I remember. It seemed so much faster and easier with Joshua. Also they put my IV in a side vein on my left hand despite my trying to tell them which vein to use and then it was sore for so long and I couldn’t relax because my arm ached. I have very sensitive skin. (I hate needles and IVs are cringe worthy. I have really poor veins for IV's because even with putting a band on, my veins are really hard to see. Over the years I have learned that the vein on the top of my left hand consistently works best and hurts the least, but the woman put the IV in the side of my left wrist near the bone and gosh it is hard not to move that part of your wrist!)

I got my epidural and they had me try lying on my side and back to see if it helped anything. Addie’s heart rate started dropping when my contractions would come, instead of speeding up. She stayed at a -1 the whole time. I progressed pretty nicely in every other aspect. The doctor broke my water to try and help encourage her to come down. I got to a 9 and completely effaced, but she wouldn’t have me push because Addie was too far up. She had me labor on my side, but they didn’t put me in a very good position so I could still feel contractions and it hurt. It was rather miserable, but at least it was faster. Finally when the doctor went to check again, Addie’s heart rate dropped for about 5 minutes and my doctor got really worried and recommended that we consider a C-section. You might be able to imagine how I felt when she said that. I so desperately wanted a vbac. I was so close!

           Part of me still wonders if I should have insisted trying longer, but we had already pushed it of a few times already. The risks of a vbac only really risk losing the baby. The mother will be fine, but you can lose your baby and I just wanted her safe and sound. I wish I had taken more time to decide, but I was so tired. Garett and I said a prayer together that she would be okay and come safely. I cried because once again I was failing. My body wasn't doing what it was supposed to; my baby wasn't coming down. I thought I had been open minded that it might not work, but in my heart I wanted that normal birth. Even still it is hard to see those pictures of moms getting to hold their baby as soon as they come out. I always have to wait hours and it kills me.

            Once we decided to do a C-section, they upped my epidural, and took me down the hall to the OR. It seemed scarier this time. Maybe because, while tired, I was still more alert than last time. It looked so cold and scary. They put me on the table, put up the curtain. I remember feeling so cold. It was sad, exciting and familiar. They did a test to see if I could feel anything. I was good to go.

            There was an annoying doctor that told me it would feel like tugging (they always say that and it does feel that way). I’m sure he was just trying to do his job, but he was not very encouraging. Last time it felt like side to side tugging, this time if felt more up and down and felt really weird.    

                

They got her out, I heard her cry! They took her to a table to the side to be weighed. She came in at a perfect 6 lbs 3 oz and 19 inches at 5:08pm. She was beautiful and not as dirty as I remember Joshua being. Garett got to walk over and see her. I stared in awe at my beautiful Adalaide May. I loved watching her, I didn't get to with Joshua. They wrapped her up for me to see and Garett brought her over. She was absolutely perfect! She had lots of dark brown hair. They needed to take her away and check some stuff and they asked Garett if he wanted to go. I told him it was okay, looking back I wish I hadn’t. They started to process of putting me back together and this is where it got scary. 

             My heart rate started to rise part way through and I knew something was wrong, but no one was about to tell me. I found out later a blood vessel had broken and my doctor couldn’t find where the blood was coming from so she called in another doctor to help. I lost about a liter of blood. All I knew is that something felt wrong. The annoying doctor kept telling me to try and slow my breathing. I was scared, I thought I was going to pass out. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. I asked the doctor to talk to me, he sucked at it. I was so scared I was going to pass out. This lasted awhile, me saying something felt off and him telling me to slow my breathing. The thing is, your heart automatically starts pumping harder when something is wrong, I felt like I couldn’t control it. I felt like I was lying on that table forever. I kept asking for warm blankets. They didn’t have the nice heating tubes like with Joshua. I felt nauseous to add to all to it all and had to keep asking them to move the blankets and my robe away from my neck or I would puke. The one good thing is that I didn’t throw up this time. I swear I was on that table forever.

             Eventually they finished, moved me back to my bed and wheeled me to my room. Garett came in eventually and brought Addie. My epidural was so strong that it was up through my arms a good bit so I couldn’t really hold her well, though somehow I still felt the ache of that dang IV.

             They tried to switch me to morphine while my epidural wore off. Note to self: morphine does nothing for me. They gave me around 4 doses or so before they realized that it was doing nothing, meanwhile my epidural was wearing off quickly. Did you know you still have contractions after a C-section? They don’t magically go away right away. So I felt the lovely pain of a 10. It hurt so much and I told them at least a thousand times I swear. They had to talk to my doctor and try to get other medication approved, but they had to be careful of what they gave me because of the blood vessel bursting and the C-section. Eventually they got something approved and I started to feel better.

I felt like I didn’t get to enjoy holding Addie until around 8pm (3 hours after she was born). My mom headed up around 6pm and got there around 9:30pm. Her and my dad had been enjoying a weekend away and had to rush home so my mom could come up. Garett went and got Joshua and took him home. My mom stayed the night with me and then headed to the house the next morning around 6am so Garett could get to class. (Oh the joys of having a kid while your husband is in grad school!) She brought Joshua by later on in the day and I enjoyed holding Addie as much as I could without distractions. Joshua was okay with Addie, but not fully sure what to make of her. 

             The hospital stay was okay. I had one awesome night nurse the first night who was so sweet. They kept asking me if I wanted them to take Adalaide so I could sleep. I don't know how other moms are but I always refused. I spent 9 months waiting for her and just underwent being cut open again just to meet her. I was not about to let her go for anything. The second night I spent alone and I hated it. Garett still had school and my mom and I agreed she should stay at the house so she could be with Joshua in the morning. I'm glad she could, but being alone in the hospital was miserable. Maybe it was because I was trying to cope with having another c-section and being left alone with your own thoughts while sleep deprived is a terrible idea. Luckily we headed home the next day (Wednesday). I was working hard on trying to stand up relatively straight (any c-section moms will know, you hobble around the first week because you literally can't stand up straight).

             While happy to be home, it was definitely harder this time. Garett still had school and Joshua couldn't understand why I couldn't play with him on the floor. Sometimes I did anyway and always regretted it. By Friday I stopped the intense pain medication, because it was too strong and I felt like I couldn't think straight. I made do with a mild pain medication (why did they not have a medium prescription? Oh well). Despite all that, Adalaide was a great eater and started sleeping through the night at 2 weeks old (and she still does!).

I love Addie. She is my angel. I wish her birth story wasn't so hard for me to deal with. She is so incredibly sweet and the happiest baby ever. She rarely cries and loves to be held. I am thankful she came safe and sound into this world. I have needed her far more than she may ever know. She has been such a blessing and watching her and Joshua interact has made my heart grow infinitely more. I think I will question my choices for her birth for a long time, but at least the ache has dulled with some time. Regardless of her story of arrival, I will never regret having her. I love this sweet angel on mine and the joy and love she has added to our family.

-Megan

Some Thoughts On Nursing

I want to start out saying I am not here to condemn people. I understand there are circumstances out of people's control where they cannot breastfeed. I will say though, that I am pro breast feeding and I hope that all mothers at the very least try to breast feed if they can.

I have had quite the mixture of emotions while breastfeeding. Now nursing my second child, I feel like I have a much better grasp on things. So I want to talk about what I learned personally that no doctor ever seemed to tell me.

1. Sometimes babies don't know how to latch properly. I had this problem with Joshua. He struggled for the first few months with latching and we had to go to a lactation consultant and honestly he was partially on formula for the first month of his life until I discovered nipple shields that helped him latch.

2. Birth control can change your milk supply. My doctors vaguely mentioned this, but I had no clue what they meant and they put me on a stronger birth control that dried me up. As soon as I realized this I had to hurry and get my prescription changed.

3. Nursing hurts! Gosh it hurts and between that and my son not latching and my milk supply drying up, I had a really rough start. (And it hurt the 2nd time too for the first month with Addie, though maybe not as bad?). I have to say a HUGE thank you to my mother! She pushed me and encouraged me and I am SO glad she did! No one told me that nursing would hurt or be hard and I clearly did not research things because I thought things would come naturally. HA!

4. There are a lot of ways to get your supply back up. With Joshua (and Addie) I have used fenugreek  (it's an herb that no one really understands, but it helps boost your milk supply) and it works! I took 9 capsules a day for a few weeks and pumped 30 minutes after every nursing, 10 minutes on each side. I literally pulled my milk from being less than an ounce to filling more bottles than I could ever use (with Joshua).

5. If you have extra milk, freeze it! I wish I had done this with Joshua. I had so much milk for the first 6 months, but as he got older my body struggled to keep up and I really wish I stored some of that milk. This time around I feel like I have just the right amount though.

6. What you eat and how much you drink water very much affects your supply! On days where I don't eat a good lunch or drink enough water I can tell my supply isn't as good. I remember thinking with Joshua that personally I have to eat more when I'm nursing versus when I'm pregnant. Now I understand I am a petite person, so others may not struggle with this as much, but I need those calories to make milk.

7. Stress can affect your supply. I'm not sure why my supply dropped off at 6 months with my son. Maybe it dropped because of stress or maybe I wasn't eating enough, or maybe I just couldn't get Joshua to focus enough.

8. Nursing burns calories. I don't think it's all that much, but it is something to take into consideration, making sure you stay hydrated and knowing what is going on with your body can help.

10. Nursing is a beautiful bonding experience. I have a love hate relationship with nursing. It is tiresome and can be exhausting, but it is also a great bonding experience. It encourages you to hold your child more and I have more respect for my body because of it.

11. Guys our bodies are super cool! Not only do our bodies know exactly how to grow these perfect little people and form their hearts and eyes and all the sweetness, but our bodies continue to be able to feed our children! It has been so empowering knowing that my children grow from the milk my body makes. It's really cool!

12. Your milk is never the same! I actually only learned this recently, that when you nurse, it creates a vacuum and your baby's spit goes in and some receptors in your body read the spit like a chart and say "hey this baby needs more of this nutrient" and so your milk changes to fit the needs of your baby. You also give them antibodies which can help keep them from getting sick and if they do get sick, it can help them fight off their illness. Guys breast milk is amazing!

There are plenty of other interesting facts about breast feeding. This isn't supposed to be a lecture on breastfeeding, on the contrary I hope maybe someone who is about to be a mom or maybe someone who is struggling might read this and maybe they won't feel so alone.

I guess I wrote this because nursing can be hard! There are so many factors that can go into our ability to breastfeed. Seriously I cried for the first 2 weeks of Joshua's life because he wouldn't latch and everything hurt and I was scared he wouldn't grow. It has taken a lot of research and personal experience to overcome these challenges. More than ever I have been incredibly worried about Addie growing, because I know the struggles I had with Joshua (she's doing fine by the way). But guys it's okay if it's hard. If you're at home crying being like "am I the only one struggling?" no you aren't.

I really wish people would talk more about nursing, giving birth and pregnancy. Now having had gestational diabetes with Addie, moving across the country, changing insurance in the middle of both my pregnancies and having had 2 c-sections, I kind of feel like I've been through a lot.

I'd like to hear from other moms of their experiences of being able to breastfeed or maybe not being able to. Did anyone else feel like they weren't given enough information?

I'm wish y'all all the success in the world!
-Megan

The Best Worst First Date

          October has always had a special place in my heart. Growing up in NC, it is when the fall colors burst forth and it is time to pull out boots and sweaters, but it's not unpleasantly cold yet. October also happens to be when I met Garett for the first time.

          In a week it will have been 6 years since we met, and I just realized I have never written out our story and oh boy, I think it's a fun one.

          A little background to start: I was beginning my 3rd semester of college and was having the classic "I'm not dating right now, go work on myself" revelation that so many have before meeting their future partner. Dating was exhausting and I needed to get better at cooking, so I was just focusing on me.

          Garett was fresh off his church mission in Zimbabwe and on the opposite end of things. Him and his roommate had decided to try to go on (I swear the number changes every time he tells the story) at least 1 date a week. Though from what I heard from my roommate at the time, it was quite a bit more than that. He got off the plane from Africa, saw his family for a few days and then headed out to Idaho to start college.

          Because he had started the semester late, he was only taking one night class a week plus some online classes. In terms of dating, this made the pool rather small. He had church and this one class and that was all.

          Eventually he asked out my roommate Nikki. I need to note that I was the only roommate not home when when he picked her up, so he never saw me, and he still had some quirks from his mission. In Zimbabwe it was respectful to always face the person you were talking to and to clasp your hands together in front of you as a sign of respect. This wouldn't normally be so apparent, but I'm pretty sure they went bowling on their date. He brought her back and that is when I saw him. I think I was sitting on the floor and their farewell was brief so once again he didn't see me, but boy I noticed him.

          The next day her and I were talking about her date. She wasn't interested in pursuing anything and neither was he. I vividly remember that I was folding laundry at the time and I jokingly told her she should send him my way. After all you can't waste an attractive returned missionary. She asked if I wanted her to and I said sure, being certain that absolutely nothing would come of it. Time went on, a week passed and she asked if he had reached out and I said no. (Another side note, she didn't give him my last name, so he had no clue what I looked like or anything about me, so for all he knew I was some crazy lady, so he was hesitant to reach out) Another week passed and he finally asked me out, unfortunately my friend Rachel was coming up that weekend and then my parents decided to surprise my brother and I by coming up to visit, so we postponed it for another week.

         That weekend passed and at the start of the following week he asked if we could meet up before the date, feeling uncomfortable going on a date with someone he had never met before. I think that's when I gave him my last name so he could Facebook stalk me. He was free before Wednesday and I was free after Wednesday. I was going to school and working and my free time was Friday through Sunday. He insisted that he was busy later in the week though so I decided to squeeze him in between devotional, visiting teaching and work on Tuesday.

         We ended up taking a walk to the apple orchards since he didn't know where they were (funny story, his one class that semester was in the Ricks building....anyone who went to BYUI knows the orchard is RIGHT NEXT TO THE RICKS. In his defense it was a night class and hard to see...but still I laugh every time) So I went to devotional and then was headed to go visiting teaching after that. Normally when visiting teaching, I love to chat for hours on end (if you have ever visit taught me you'll know this to be true) but this time I was going to hang out with a cute guy, so I was dying to leave. Naturally the girl I was companions with loved to talk and so did the girl we were visiting (seriously no fault to them, they are both sweethearts) I was just impatient. It still took at least an hour and I booked it out of there as soon as I could.

         I got to my apartment and Garett was waiting on the couch talking to my roommate. We headed out for our walk towards the apple orchards. I don't remember much of the conversation. He talked about wanting to do a PhD and I think he mentioned he had a lot of sisters. I think I talked about photography and some about my family. Honestly I just remember it being very easy going and that the conversation flowed naturally.

        Garett knew I didn't have much time so he was expecting a 10 minute walk. Apparently after about 10 minutes he asked what I wanted to do, trying to give me an out if I needed to leave, but instead I said we could keep walking. We walked for an hour and a half, right up until I had to leave for work. He was impressed that I didn't mind taking such a long walk, despite being so busy. (Is anyone waiting on our first date still? Almost there I promise)

        I went on to work and came home and then if I remember right, I invited him over to watch Chuck. So he came over that night, then for lunch the next day, and then that evening and the next day as well. Finally it was Friday, our date!

        He was taking me to a haunted straw maze, which I'm not sure if I knew that beforehand....either way I hate haunted things, and I found out on that date that I do not like wandering around, feeling lost, trying to get out of a maze.....To add to the fun of that date, we kept running into my supervisor from work. Have you ever had that one supervisor you just loathe? They are just so obnoxious and rude and you really pray you never see them outside of work? Well that was THAT supervisor for me. So I was not only wandering around a haunted straw maze, scared people were going to jump out at me or chase me, but to add to the fun, I kept running into that supervisor. Garett was rocking this first date....

        Somehow despite that date, we still went on another date the next day and by Sunday we had decided that we didn't want to date anyone else. I found out later on that I was going to be his last date either way. After dating around for a month, he was burned out (if you don't know, Garett is very much an introvert) and that was probably exhausting for him. So it worked out that we ended up dating.

       It's fun to look back and laugh at what probably should have been nothing, because it truly was a terrible first date, but now over 5 years of marriage, 2 bachelors degrees, 2 kids, the start of a masters degree and having lived in 3 different states, we're still learning and growing together.

       It all started with me seeing a cute guy through a window and a terrible first date, but that is our story, I hope you enjoyed it.

-Meg

A Day In My Life

I'm not totally sure how this post is going to come out, but we shall see.

I feel like when we meet new people they ask what Garett does and then what I do during the day....hahahahaha what do I not do?

I wake up almost every morning to a sweet toddler alarm coming from under his door saying "HELLLLLLOOOOO! HEEEELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO!"

It's adorable and surprisingly loud.

We curl up on the couch drinking our Breakfast Essentials and watching Curious George or Daniel
Tiger.

At some point we get dressed and ready for the day.

My schedule shifts between lots of different things for the rest of the day. My days consist of:

• Changing diapers
• Picking up toys, trash, clothes and other random items
• Doing dishes, not before avoiding doing dishes for as long as possible (they are the chore that NEVER GOES AWAY)
• Mopping
• Trying to figure out where that smell is coming from
• Vacuuming
• More picking things up
• Telling Joshua to get out of the fridge

• Spot-shotting something (I have never vacuumed or used spot-shot so much in my life since living with a toddler) Do they make spot-shot containers by the gallon? But seriously...
• Random comments to my toddler about things he should or should not be doing and trying to avoid either him or me crying
• Talking to said toddler about things going bye bye, eating food, mommy's baby in her belly, dada at work and other new phrases
• Making lunch and hoping my toddler will eat it

• Forgetting to eat because I'm so focused on feeding my toddler, or eating whatever he doesn't
• Eating things off the floor or that were spit into my hand, because I don't feel like walking to the trash can again
• Talking to my momma
• Taking Joshua outside
• Which often leads to ending up at our neighbors' house
• Very few chores get done on days we go outside
• Trying to keep toddlers from fighting
• Apologizing a lot when toddlers do fight

• Nonstop comments to my toddler about staying safe and out of trouble
• At some point trying to slow things down and maybe watch a quiet show before nap time
• Put toddler down for a nap
• Once down I contemplate chores, sometimes they get done, sometimes I sit in silence for an hour just because. Or I fall asleep
• Garett gets home part way through nap time
• Catch up with my awesome husband on how our days went
• Joshua wakes up from nap

• Get dinner ready at the very least for Joshua, mostly it consists of leftovers or something small
• Cooking is less appealing when husband doesn't need to take a lunch for work 
• At some point I remember I'm pregnant because baby girl kicks me a bunch
• Attempt to watch some show on tv and probably miss half of it
• Try to muster up any energy to be productive (it mostly fails)
• Think about how the house looks like a disaster even though I have cleaned it about a dozen times (thank you toddler)
• Insert random days of bills and other random tasks that need to get done, for the last few months filling out stuff for grad school, now searching for housing and thinking about all the student debt we're going into
• Freaking out about the future
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Trying to get Joshua to settle down before bed with a little show

• Some days are set aside for trying to wrap my brain around all the stressful things I need to do before we move and baby is born
• Oh and during most of these cleaning tasks my toddler is somewhere else undoing my hard work
• But I keep trying for my sanity's sake
• Change another diaper
• Debate who should put Joshua to bed
• Make sure his room is ready for bed
• Ask Joshua who he wants to put him to bed (it's mostly dada and mommy chuckles in approval)
• Some days laundry gets done
• Weekly we go to the store and try not to forget anything
• Joshua goes to bed
• I veg out on the couch feeling dead

• Try to remember to pay attention when the weather comes on, forget about half the time
• Sometimes watch a show with husband, other times quietly play games on my phone while listening to the tv and trying to relax before bed
• Get ready for bed
• Pass out
• Start over

It seems like even on days where I don't have much to do, I still feel tired. I forget that emotional exhaustion is still a thing. Even on days where I'm not running around, I'm still thinking about a million things. I guess that is the life of being a wife, mom, sister, daughter and friend.

Am I tired all the time? Yes! 

Has my standard of gross drastically changed in the last year? Yes!

Would I change a thing? Absolutely not!

I feel like the months keep flying by with these days that often feel monotonous, but then I see how much Joshua is learning and growing and how we've grown as a family and it makes me smile. Being a mom is so exhausting, add being pregnant and planning to move across the country and it's amazing I have any sanity left at all, but it all works out. The funny thing is, I made this list and I could still add at least another 50 things to it, but then even I might get a little crazy. 

Life is messy and mostly chaotic with a small semblance of goals and growth. I guess I wrote this to remind myself that it is okay to be tired, I don't have to have it together all the time or even most of the time. I do need to remember to take a break sometimes and appreciate how far we've come and all the great things in store for us. 

This is to all the moms out there. You are awesome. You do a lot. Give yourself a break! Life flies by and we look back and have no clue what we've done all year, but that's okay. Life isn't always measured by big grandeur things, sometimes it's the small daily things that hold us all together. 

Thanks for being awesome friends!

-Megan

And We're Having A.....

Girl!

Joshua is going to have a baby sister!

We could not be more thrilled to have this rolly-polly baby girl join our family.

I am particularly thrilled to be able to go crazy shopping for baby girl clothing (as if I haven't been eyeing all those adorable dresses for the last few years).

Sorry the profile is rough. She would not stop moving the entire time, which made the ultrasound rather difficult, but we are happy to have such a lively, squirmy little girl.

Thank you for all the love ans support!

-Megan

Our Newest Party Member is Arriving September 2017

We are pleased to announce that our family will be expanding early September this year.

This baby has already been quite a bit of trouble since we found out.

We went for our first doctor's appointment yesterday to find out we were a bit further along than we thought.

Our due date still isn't perfect after a slightly better ultrasound today, but somewhere around the beginning of September this baby should make its appearance. 

We were bumped up about 2 1/2 weeks sooner than we thought which was a nice, if but a shocking surprise.

We did an ultrasound yesterday after my midwife said that my uterus felt bigger than the timeline we were looking at. The ultrasound showed a sweet baby with arms, legs, fingers and toes and we were expecting more along the lines of a bean.

Either way we couldn't be more thrilled to be expanding our family and making Joshua a big brother.

-Megan 

Motherhood is Crazy

                I’ve recently had this discussion with some friends. Motherhood by all accounts is irrational. Now before you have a meltdown, hear me out. Motherhood is wonderful, but crazy.

                Let’s start with pregnancy. Now maybe you are one of those people that loves being pregnant and doesn’t have very many symptoms and feels their very best. Good for you. I am not one of those people. I actually hate being pregnant. I feel miserable and uncomfortable for most of it and I don’t like any of it. That being said, I still want more kids. Why? Because motherhood is crazy.

                If you are anything like me, first you have morning sickness. One wrong move and you are going to die. You live off of peanut butter and crackers for 2-3 months or what doesn’t sound gosh awful and turn your insides out. Food aversions are real and terrible. I had to replace all my air fresheners with Joshua because one day they started making me gag. Food commercials made me sick, too much movement made me sick. Basically everything made me sick.

                I got past morning the sickness and then no one could tell I was pregnant and I was going crazy. Anyone who knows me knows before having a kid I could not gain weight. So for me I thought I was huge and everyone else was like “You look normal”. I was a bit insulted, looking back it was probably hard to tell, but for me I was the biggest I had ever been and was frustrated that no one else saw it.

                Then you hit 3^rd trimester and you feel like a balloon. How I describe it to people is that it feels like you overate, but all the time and that feeling never goes away for 3 months. That sick overfull, you’re going to burst at any second feeling. People kept telling me I was never going to sleep again after the baby was born, but I was waking up to turn over and to pee every 2 hours. At least when Joshua was born he slept for 3 hours at a time.

Finally you get to go into labor. Woohoo! Maybe you have a high pain tolerance and birth was a breeze, but I think the general consensus is that labor is hard, hence the term LABOR. I had back labor for 16 hours before I had an epidural (those are the most glorious things ever!) got to pushing, pushed and then ended up with a c-section. That recovery is a pain fyi. When my epidural finally started to wear off and medication was switched to pills, I felt it. I felt all the aching and pain of everything I had gone through in the last 24 hours and it was rather unpleasant.

They send you home with this tiny little person, entrusting you’ll keep it alive and take care of it more or less for the rest of its life. You’ll be tired for at least the next 20 years, with worrying and stress. Not to mention potty training, having to teach them basic things like talking, walking and manners. You’ll have semi-frequent meltdowns on days where they just seem to be crazy for no reason and you feel helpless. Motherhood is irrational.

You give up your figure, your energy, your money, and sometimes your dreams, all for these little people that won’t even be grateful until they have their own kids in 25+ years. You will give up everything for these kids, and yet you would do it all again in a heartbeat, because when you look at those children, your heart melts. You love them so completely so powerfully that you would do anything for them. They are your entire world and your love for them is beyond compare. Motherhood is hard, it is really hard (and I am only 2 years into it) but there is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for my little boy. I would not trade all the stress and worry, the messes, the fighting, the cuddles, the laughter or the joy for anything. What else in our lives is so completely crazy and hard and exhausting, and yet you would never ever give up? Maybe you have a job like that, but at least you can have a life outside of it. Motherhood (and fatherhood) is all encompassing. There is no downtime, there are no vacation days. It is full time insanity, that is the most beautiful and rewarding thing.

                There are moments when I think about how much easier my life would be without my son. I’m young and married, so Garett and I could probably travel more and do fun things, but none of it can compare with what I have. I forget how young I am because I had my son at 22, but I would never give him up. He is my greatest stress and my greatest love.

                It breaks my heart at times to look at my generation which seems to despise and discourage motherhood. I’m not saying having a career is bad, and I understand motherhood may not be for everyone, but if only they knew the love and beauty of motherhood. I had absolutely no clue how much I could love until I had my son. Do not get me wrong, I love my husband and he is my best friend, but my love for Joshua is different. You cannot compare the two. Motherly love is so unique and personal. It is something all its own, it is not rational, but it is perfect. I cannot put into words my love for Joshua, but it is something every mother can understand. That look when they smile at you or give you a hug, those little tender moments that make all the pain, heartache and exhaustion completely worth it.

                Thank you to all the mothers (and fathers) out there who work so hard for their children. We can never repay our parents for all that they do for us, but I like to think we can pass it on to our future children. I never knew how much my parents loved me until I held my own son in my arms for the first time. I am grateful for their irrational love and patience with me. They did their best in hopes that one day I would turn out to be a decent kind person (I hope I can make y’all proud). I hope one day in turn I can do the same for my children.

Let us all remember on those days where we are crying and wanting to give up, that it really is worth it. My parents get to be grandparents, and I’m not going to lie, it looks good on them. Not that I am rushing time, but seeing the joy that they have from a wonderful family full of kids, spouses and grandkids, that seems to be the dream. The dream that we all can look forward to saying that we lived full lives and now we get to watch it continue with future generations.

I love where I am in my life and I look forward to all the insanity and joy my family will bring to me throughout the years. This is for all you parents and soon to be parents, remember that this is all worth it in the end. I promise that you are doing better than you think you are. So hold your children a little bit tighter and a little longer. Let the dishes wait, forgive yourself and enjoy the little moments. They are fleeting, but they are powerful.

I love you all!

-Megan

Comic Con 2016

Something that has taken me years to understand and fully appreciate is that I am a nerd! 

I think I was always secretly one, but then I married Garett and this whole new side of crazy came out.

I now play PC games like League of Legends and Borderlands 2 with Garett.

I follow League's World tournament like other people follow football.

We also love Nintendo and their family oriented fun.

We watch normal shows, but also anime which can be pretty cool.

I am part of 2 Facebook groups: Gaming Mommies and Legit Lady Gamers and that is the best thing about Facebook anymore.

Garett and I have played D&D with friends and I had an incredibly awesome Dragon disciple bard.(yeah you had never even imagined that combo before had you?)

I read fantasy and I read 26 of the 28 Shannara books by Terry Brooks this summer in the course of 5 months. (I can't believe I did that either!)

So yes I am a big hearted geek nerd and I love it!

This all culminated to bring about us going to Salt Lake Comic Con this year!

To be fair Mark Hamill and William Shatner were speaking and how on earth could I live with myself if I didn't go to that????

(If you don't know who they are, just letting you know, you are breaking my heart.)

Over 10,000 people showed up to hear Mark Hamill speak and let me tell you it was worth it!

He was hilarious, fun and humble oddly enough. You would think playing one of the most famous roles in film, that it would get to his head, but no he's an older guy who just happens to be famous.

He even brought his dog on stage and talked to a crowded room like we were all just sitting in his home talking over lunch. He is truly a remarkable man (no pun intended).

Shatner on the other hand is a straight up comedian who does not take himself seriously at all.

He's had his career and seems content to just laugh off the rest of his life. 

Now onto the good stuff....the actual Comic Con!

It was amazing. It's like Disneyland for nerdy adults!

People dress up and it's really cool! The more people get into it the cooler it is! We got a few pictures of people, but most of them are on here. 

We took UTA down to Comic Con and it was fun to see all the cosplayers on the train. 

Also a shout out to Taryn for recommending the multiday pass, because you cannot see it all in one go.

There were hundreds of booths with an artists section, and then tons of vendors for authors and people selling cool stuff like this shirt:

We took the picture and posted it on instagram and then showed it to the vendor to get a free Midna poster (not pictured on here).

Gosh we just wanted to buy everything!

The few treasures we did find though:

A shardblade necklace from the Stormlight Archives by Brandon Sanderson

(This series will be going on for at least another 14+ years so if you want a finished series I recommend waiting another decade or 2.)

If you can name all 3 of these shows/movies (below) then you are a true anime nerd.

For everyone else from left to right:

Princess Mononoke by Miyazaki (an environmentally friendly movie, not as cutesy as his other movies)

Beyond the Boundary (a cool short show about girl with a blood sword hunting creatures, mostly humorous)

Erased (NOT HUMOROUS, about a guy that goes back in time to when he is 11 to try to stop a serial killer, still ongoing)

P.S. These were my favorite artists! This guy does the mock ups and then his girlfriend does the digital renderings and they were all beautiful. It was difficult to narrow it down to 3.

We also got these (below) for Joshua's room and I am in love!

This guy prints his pictures on the same paper he does his originals so they keep all their colorful glory!

They are watercolors of Miyazaki movies and some of my favorites.

Left to right:

Kiki's Delivery Service

My Neighbor Totoro

Howl's Moving Castle

Not pictured:

2 post-apocalyptic books by this cool new author J Kowallis called the Enertia Trials. 

We walked around to lots of author's tables and most of them told us what they thought we wanted to hear, but she told us what she loved about the books and really just sold them to us through her telling.

We later found out she was the author and happily bought the books. They are a distopia but with actual adults (around 30's I think) because she was tired of teenage angst and I appreciated that. 

I haven't had a chance to read them yet, but I can't wait. Garett has liked them a lot and that's a big deal so I look forward to letting you know how it goes.

I put lots of links throughout this post so if you want to learn more about anything you can find it through the links or google it. 

We had a blast and would recommend Comic Con to anyone whether you be a closet nerd or a scream and shout it kind of nerd. 

Love y'all!

Megan

"Go Go"

Guess what!

We moved about a month ago!

There are still no pictures of our apartment because it is never clean during the daylight hours, which is truly a shame because we get some great natural light here.

One morning I will be proactive before Joshua wakes up and destroys my hard work and take pictures of our new home.

In the midst of moving and unpacking we decided to take a 24 hour trip up to Idaho to see our niece get baptized.

Despite being completely exhausted from leaving at 4:30 in the morning to make it on time (if but barely) we had a blast!

Garett and I are in love with Idaho and going back is always a treat. 

Getting to see family was the icing on the cake and getting to play in the river was the sprinkles on top of it all.

Joshua warmed up to all his cousins and aunts effortlessly (probably uncles too but I wasn't always paying attention) and of course his grandparents. He found out one of his cousins would carry him around and take him outside so I think they are probably best friends now.

Then to top it all off we got to play in a river!

I thought Joshua was going to die of happiness from splashing around and throwing the biggest rocks he could find. (Note the HUGE diaper full of water and rock in his hand. We didn't bring any pool diapers so he got to enjoy an incredibly heavy diaper full of water, it was almost as big as him by time we changed him)

It was a nice, but a fast trip. The weather was perfect and the company was wonderful.

Since then we have been working on settling into our new routine. Garett works evenings which is an adjustment, but probably for the best. We all kind of get grumpy in the evenings, but when it is just Joshua and I we handle being grumpy a little better together. 

Though since we've been here Joshua has become even more of an angel 

(I didn't think it was possible!)

The pictures are from this past week where Garett has been teaching Joshua (and me) how to long board. Apparently I ride goofy (meaning I ride with my right foot forward). Garett rides normal, but kicks mongo (meaning he pushes off with his front foot instead of his back which is much harder and awkward) 

It is Joshua's new favorite thing and he would make Garett ride around the parking lot all day if he could. Sadly daddy gets tired after awhile, but we have lots of fun when we can.

Having settled in I have decided children are a lot like fish. They need the proper sized living quarters for their energy and growth.

We just came from being with family that has a nice sized house, to a 2 bedroom apartment.

This means our small fry goes a bit stir crazy when there isn't enough to explore. 

We have 2 options to help with this.

The 1st is we have a balcony which is lovely and easy to access (only downfall right now are the bars are not as close together as I would like, but we are getting some netting for my peace of mind).

The 2nd is taking walks to the playground or the nice big lawn over by the church (depending on the heat and mommy's energy levels).

The other day we took his cart with us on our walk which ended up with him pushing for the 1st block and then me carrying him and his cart the rest of the time. Oh well, it was still fun.

Joshua is learning lots of new words lately.

His favorites are Eye Brow

"I" which means yes (we have decided he is a pirate)

"Go go" from the Dr. Suess Cat in the Hat show

"Dog dog"

"Ding ding" from trolley on Daniel Tiger 

and "bye bye"

He also said his first sentence yesterday which was "Go bye bye" when we had to leave the play ground and he kept saying it as we walked away. 

To be fair we were at the play ground for a long time and it was nearing bedtime.

Overall this move has been great for us. Joshua has been better behaved, mornings are now family cuddle time while we watch cartoons together and snuggles are frequent. 

Joshua is learning to help more around the house including turning his sound machine and night light on and off at the beginning and end of each nap/bedtime/morning which actually makes putting him to bed much easier.

We still don't have everything down perfectly, but we're getting there one day at a time.

I'll leave you with a fun video of Joshua and Garett riding the long

board together.

-Megan