Motherhood is Crazy

                I’ve recently had this discussion with some friends. Motherhood by all accounts is irrational. Now before you have a meltdown, hear me out. Motherhood is wonderful, but crazy.

                Let’s start with pregnancy. Now maybe you are one of those people that loves being pregnant and doesn’t have very many symptoms and feels their very best. Good for you. I am not one of those people. I actually hate being pregnant. I feel miserable and uncomfortable for most of it and I don’t like any of it. That being said, I still want more kids. Why? Because motherhood is crazy.

                If you are anything like me, first you have morning sickness. One wrong move and you are going to die. You live off of peanut butter and crackers for 2-3 months or what doesn’t sound gosh awful and turn your insides out. Food aversions are real and terrible. I had to replace all my air fresheners with Joshua because one day they started making me gag. Food commercials made me sick, too much movement made me sick. Basically everything made me sick.

                I got past morning the sickness and then no one could tell I was pregnant and I was going crazy. Anyone who knows me knows before having a kid I could not gain weight. So for me I thought I was huge and everyone else was like “You look normal”. I was a bit insulted, looking back it was probably hard to tell, but for me I was the biggest I had ever been and was frustrated that no one else saw it.

                Then you hit 3^rd trimester and you feel like a balloon. How I describe it to people is that it feels like you overate, but all the time and that feeling never goes away for 3 months. That sick overfull, you’re going to burst at any second feeling. People kept telling me I was never going to sleep again after the baby was born, but I was waking up to turn over and to pee every 2 hours. At least when Joshua was born he slept for 3 hours at a time.

Finally you get to go into labor. Woohoo! Maybe you have a high pain tolerance and birth was a breeze, but I think the general consensus is that labor is hard, hence the term LABOR. I had back labor for 16 hours before I had an epidural (those are the most glorious things ever!) got to pushing, pushed and then ended up with a c-section. That recovery is a pain fyi. When my epidural finally started to wear off and medication was switched to pills, I felt it. I felt all the aching and pain of everything I had gone through in the last 24 hours and it was rather unpleasant.

They send you home with this tiny little person, entrusting you’ll keep it alive and take care of it more or less for the rest of its life. You’ll be tired for at least the next 20 years, with worrying and stress. Not to mention potty training, having to teach them basic things like talking, walking and manners. You’ll have semi-frequent meltdowns on days where they just seem to be crazy for no reason and you feel helpless. Motherhood is irrational.

You give up your figure, your energy, your money, and sometimes your dreams, all for these little people that won’t even be grateful until they have their own kids in 25+ years. You will give up everything for these kids, and yet you would do it all again in a heartbeat, because when you look at those children, your heart melts. You love them so completely so powerfully that you would do anything for them. They are your entire world and your love for them is beyond compare. Motherhood is hard, it is really hard (and I am only 2 years into it) but there is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for my little boy. I would not trade all the stress and worry, the messes, the fighting, the cuddles, the laughter or the joy for anything. What else in our lives is so completely crazy and hard and exhausting, and yet you would never ever give up? Maybe you have a job like that, but at least you can have a life outside of it. Motherhood (and fatherhood) is all encompassing. There is no downtime, there are no vacation days. It is full time insanity, that is the most beautiful and rewarding thing.

                There are moments when I think about how much easier my life would be without my son. I’m young and married, so Garett and I could probably travel more and do fun things, but none of it can compare with what I have. I forget how young I am because I had my son at 22, but I would never give him up. He is my greatest stress and my greatest love.

                It breaks my heart at times to look at my generation which seems to despise and discourage motherhood. I’m not saying having a career is bad, and I understand motherhood may not be for everyone, but if only they knew the love and beauty of motherhood. I had absolutely no clue how much I could love until I had my son. Do not get me wrong, I love my husband and he is my best friend, but my love for Joshua is different. You cannot compare the two. Motherly love is so unique and personal. It is something all its own, it is not rational, but it is perfect. I cannot put into words my love for Joshua, but it is something every mother can understand. That look when they smile at you or give you a hug, those little tender moments that make all the pain, heartache and exhaustion completely worth it.

                Thank you to all the mothers (and fathers) out there who work so hard for their children. We can never repay our parents for all that they do for us, but I like to think we can pass it on to our future children. I never knew how much my parents loved me until I held my own son in my arms for the first time. I am grateful for their irrational love and patience with me. They did their best in hopes that one day I would turn out to be a decent kind person (I hope I can make y’all proud). I hope one day in turn I can do the same for my children.

Let us all remember on those days where we are crying and wanting to give up, that it really is worth it. My parents get to be grandparents, and I’m not going to lie, it looks good on them. Not that I am rushing time, but seeing the joy that they have from a wonderful family full of kids, spouses and grandkids, that seems to be the dream. The dream that we all can look forward to saying that we lived full lives and now we get to watch it continue with future generations.

I love where I am in my life and I look forward to all the insanity and joy my family will bring to me throughout the years. This is for all you parents and soon to be parents, remember that this is all worth it in the end. I promise that you are doing better than you think you are. So hold your children a little bit tighter and a little longer. Let the dishes wait, forgive yourself and enjoy the little moments. They are fleeting, but they are powerful.

I love you all!

-Megan

A Little Taste of Moab

Last week I went on my travel study to Moab, UT.

For those that know nothing about Moab it is a tiny town surrounded by 2 national parks: Arches National Park and Canyonlands National Park. We mainly went to Arches of the two but we had many adventures.

The trip began last Wednesday with a 6 hour drive to Moab where we stayed in this lovely little motel. Surprisingly not as scary as I thought it would be but the tv's in the rooms were definitely a lot older than me.

Our first trip started about 30 minutes after we arrived where we headed right into the park to hike to Delicate Arch. It is quite a hike and quite a view.

This view is actually pointing away from the arch to show that there is a huge drop off on the other side. FYI not a huge fan of heights and no railing...but it was beautiful! (More pictures of much better quality coming later).

One of the nine other students on the trip, Adrianne. We became fast friends and hiking buddies.

The next morning we awoke at the lovely hour of 4am (having gone to bed around 11:30pm).

By time people started arriving in the park we had been there for at least 4 hours...no biggie. 

This was at Pine Tree Arch where we watched the sun rise.

That afternoon we went to Sand dune arch which I only have pictures of on my actual camera but it was BEAUTIFUL!

Then in the evening we went to the Window Arches, Turret Arch and a few more.

I stayed late to do some night photography and got some pretty cool shots. Sadly they are on film and I do not have any copies with me to scan in but I will later, promise.

This time I didn't get to bed until midnight when the full(ish) moon was high in the sky.

The next morning we got to get up at 3:50am....the moon was still up and fyi 4 hours of sleep really just feels like a longish nap. This time we went to Dead Horse Canyon which I have no pictures of on my phone because I was mostly asleep. It was a beautiful but surprisingly cold sunrise. 

Later that day we did get a nap which was as long as our sleep the night before. Then headed off to Hanksville where we were going to camp. 

It was too windy to set up camp so we went to Goblin Valley that evening where is was even more windy so we didn't stay long past sunset. We also managed to get sand and dirt in EVERYTHING.

We got back after dark and set up camp and passed out.

Luckily Saturday we got to sleep in to save up our rest for the hardest, craziest, most beautiful hike of all.

Horseshoe Canyon.

I recommend using the bathroom before you go because there is at least an hour drive on the bumpiest road ever and you'll likely have to pee when you get there just from all the jostling. 

It is 7 miles round trip and 5 of those miles are in the sand where you descend almost 800 feet into the canyon.

FYI hiking in the sand is much more difficult.

The first mile or so is just climbing down into the Canyon which isn't too bad.

Then you get to the floor and hike another 2 1/2 miles in. Along the way there are 4 or 5 panels of barrier canyon styled rock art which if I remember right is thousands of years old.

The final panel (well most of it) seen below is BEAUTIFUL! Much more amazing in person but this can give you a little feel.

Those figures are often a few feet tall.

It was breath taking and well worth the hike!

The hardest part was getting out though. 

Warning the trail to get up and out of the Canyon is kind of hard to see. Half of our group missed it at first and we may or may not have lost one of the teachers for about 3-4 hours...it was pretty scary...

Also I recommend going in the late afternoon because it isn't as hot and there is more shade. 

This is me after the hike feeling like a beast hiking that 7 mile trail!

We didn't get home until 1:30am.

Sunday we woke up, broke camp and headed to see a little more rock art and the Little Grand Canyon.

It was beautiful but at this point I was just ready to get home and see Garett.

5 days is far too long and I missed him like crazy.

Here is panorama of the canyon. You should be able to click on it and see a bigger version.

It was pretty but I'm not a fan of heights so I didn't get too crazy.

We finally got home around 8pm where my husband welcomed me home with marinated steak and potatoes and it was delicious! (Isn't he the best?) Of course I had to go back to school the next day and play catch up but it has all worked out. Now I am FINALLY getting to relax and slowly catching up on my sleep.

(Side note, a lot of places in the middle of nowhere have pretty good cell reception and I find that odd). 

Anyway that is all I have for now. I'll post later though it might not be until the end of the semester (4 weeks) but I will post eventually.

It was an adventuresome trip. To quote myself when asked why I chose this trip and what I liked about it.

"It seemed more interactive than going to a bunch of museums and looking at pictures and then it ended up being much more interactive than I thought".

It was great but next time I'd like to go with my husband and family.

Hope all is well with y'all and I'll try to post more in the coming weeks.

-Megan

Sometimes.....

After a long hard day of art projects, I wonder if I am crazy....

Who in their right mind would take printmaking or lithography for fun when they don't need it for their major?

Yeah sure let me play with some deadly chemicals all for the sake of some pretty cool images. 

Let me kill brain cells to learn techniques I'll never use again.

But then I think, when will I ever get to do insane stuff like this ever again?

Let's face it, friends you make when you're slowly killing yourselves for the sake of art, are friends you know you can count on for the rest of your life. (That probably doesn't make any sense, but it does in my head. Basically those friends help you to KEEP you from doing something wrong & killing yourself). 

Plus there is this side of me that says, do you really want to quit this? Even though it's really hard and scary it's also really fun. I guess it's that addiction to the wild side of life that keeps me going. 

But just FYI. If you're ever thinking of doing a printing class, stick with intaglio (btw the g is silent), it is MUCH easier & more forgiving than lithography. Lithography is for the mentally insane I'm pretty sure.....

Which is starting to make sense why my teacher kind of laughs like a crazy person....

That explains so much.....

anywhoooo, that is all for tonight. Have a good week!!!!!

Can't wait to see my family this weekend!!!!!!!!

Might be a little woozy 

due to chemicals...

Megan

I think I may be going crazy...

It's a lovely Sunday afternoon and Rexburg is a ghost town due to it being "spring break/summer vacation" depending on what track you are on.

All the same, I was sitting on my couch minding my own business when I swear I heard the opening to "Lord of the Rings"!!! It was rather quiet and ghostly, probably because someone is watching it in a surrounding apartment.

But then it stopped....so maybe they turned their tv down?

Or maybe I am just going crazy.....

Either way, it's 4:40pm here and it has yet to snow!!! And there are no clouds in the sky to declare any chances of snow! =D

See? Sunshine! Notice the LACK in clouds =D
Yay for a day WITHOUT snow! =D

Also it got up for 45 degrees today! Woohoo! =D

So am I going crazy?
What do you think?
Meg

Bounce Bounce Bounce!

To add to my feeling of being quite old, one of my favorite kids just turned 5!!! I have been babysitting the Snow boys for about 3 1/2 years. I started babysitting them when Nate was 3 1/2 and Grant was 1 1/2. Grant barely talked and Nate loved Dora. Grant turned 5 last Friday. Nate is 6 and will be 7 in May and their youngest brother who was born shortly after starting to babysit them, is now 2 1/2. I have spent many of my summer days, school evenings and weekends with these boys. I love babysitting because they are so much fun and brighten my day. They say the silliest things such as "ka-kee" apparently means chocolate milk. Who knew? Along with other fun terminology like "baba," "binkie," and "bebe," in English are bottle, pacifier and blanket. i am sure mothers can relate to such words. Bennett is learning to talk more frequently and recently learned to say "mix". I am quite proud of him!

Over the years I have known them, my mind is still blown to think how old they are. Each brings a special quality to their fun personalities. Nate is the adventurous one, always curious and wanting to learn more. He comes up with the coolest games and now loves Starwars as each young boy seems to become intrigued with at one point or another. Grant is the quiet one; he does not talk much except when he has an exciting story to tell. He always listens and does as he is told even if he says no first (trying to be tough), he always listens happily. Bennett, the youngest, looooves"Go, Diego, Go" and will demand to watch at least one episode a day. He is quite demanding and gets fixated easily on one thing at a time. He looks more and more like his parents everyday and ceases to amaze me with his knowledge constantly.

Overall, I love these boys to death and would do anything for them. They have taught me more than I could have ever learned from reading a book about raising children. they are not always easy but always worth being with. They have taught me patience and to laugh at myself and my mistakes. Whether peeing on me while trying to change a diaper, coordinating bedtimes, making dinner, playing in the sprinkler (with no extra clothes to change into) or bouncing for hours in a bounce house till I can no longer breathe, they have made my time with them adventurous and fun. Even when I am in a bad mood, they brighten my day and reassure my want of being a mother someday to have adventures with my own kids. But until then, I will enjoy hanging out with them.

mothers are amazing,

Meg