Seems like it's been forever since you've been gone. Please come back home.
Though this song only has some relevance, it has been stuck in my head this evening.
I guess I haven't written too much on my feelings on my blog in a long time. It normally all goes into my journal. But I guess, what I am starting to miss is the little things. Like the quietness. Not to say back East that everything was ever quiet. But if I wanted quiet it was not hard to find.
Do you ever take time to embrace the silence even for 5 minutes? Those moments of self reflection, that suddenly things that have been fuzzy for so long now become clear?
I have been pondering over some ideas for quite some time now. I have been trying to understand things beyond my capacity. And though there are some things I still do not fully understand, I am learning little by little.
This semester has been unlike anything and everything I have ever experienced. I have grown spiritually, but not in the normal sense. I have grown to learn about myself in ways I never thought possible. Most of this semester I have been working to think less with my emotions, and more with my head. Anyone who knows me well, knows I am very in tune with my emotions and not that I cut them out, but I began to think more logically.
Given there have still been times where I was confused and unsure of what to do, but I knew what I could not do and then worked from there.
What I have learned is that those we surround ourselves with should make us want to be better. I have found some people like that this semester. Not that I feel inferior to them, but they make me want to work harder and be better than I am. I cannot fully explain it, but at the end of the day, I know I want to be worthy of their friendship and be the friend I know I would want to have.
Sometimes we have to stop and reflect. All semester I have been trying to figure out what I was supposed to be learning. And this semester I have learned to be content with my life. That good things come in time and that I can only work to be better until the time comes that I am worthy of those blessings.
I have learned that being straightforward with people can allow you to grow as better friends. That having people to talk to and understand and relate to makes all the difference. I have also begun to see who my true friends are, and the answers have been surprising. I have learned to trust in ways I did not think were possible. I have had conversations with people that have surprised me for the better. Have you ever had one of those? Those conversations that start off merely as fun and entertaining, but then end up having a heart to heart you didn't expect?
Those are some of the best conversations.
I guess what I am saying is that though I am severely flawed, I am slowly improving. It may not always be evident on the outside, but that is because I am still growing on the inside.
There is more I would share, but that is for another time and another place.
In other news, I am ready to visit NC for a bit. It will be nice to see my family and friends again. Though it is only for a week, that is for the better.
I have no singular home anymore. I have family and friend back East, and I also have family and friends here. I love all of you. I love my family, as well as Hannah, Lizzy, Kris, and Nikki.
I wish everyone back East could meet Nikki. I think y'all would love her. But maybe I am partial because she is one of my best friends. Not to mention a southern bell like myself. =]
I love all of you and miss all of you. I may not get to talk to y'all as often as I would like, but you're always in my heart.
Much love,
Meg
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